From Triumph to Tears: Navigating Autism, Meltdowns, and Motherhood at Taekwondo 🥋💔

Jordan’s taekwondo belt test started with pride and ended in a moment that tested both of us. A reminder that progress isn’t always a straight line.

Today hit me hard. 💔

It was supposed to be a proud milestone — Jordan’s taekwondo belt test. I walked into the studio feeling excited, ready to celebrate how far he’s come. Since starting taekwondo, his confidence has grown, his focus has sharpened, and I’ve watched him thrive in ways that fill me with hope.

But today was different.

Mid-test, the shift came fast. Jordan’s expression changed, his body tensed, and then came the tears. He had a full meltdown — frustration, anger, talking back to the master — and was told to leave the mat. Watching him struggle in that moment, in front of everyone, broke something inside me.

I came home feeling like a failure.

Wondering if I’ve pushed him too soon into sparring. Wondering if I should change his schedule or focus more on ABA therapy instead. Wondering if I’m making the right choices at all.

It’s not fair for him when his outbursts are out of his control. It’s not easy for anyone to watch. And it’s not easy raising autistic kids without a partner by your side.

Jordan wasn’t feeling 100% this morning — sniffles, a little cough. I’ve noticed that when he’s under the weather and has allergy medication, his emotions can spike. I sometimes wonder if there’s a chemical imbalance triggered by these meds. Still, I don’t want to make excuses. The reality is, today was just hard.

I thought I was recording a proud moment, but instead, I caught raw reality on video — the tears, the frustration, the heartbreak.

He’s okay now. He feels bad afterward. But I’m left here asking myself:

What do I feel?

What do I do?

How do I move forward?

If you’ve been here before — watching your child struggle in a space where you hoped they’d shine — I’d love to hear from you. How do you know when to push forward and when to step back?

💙 Feeling lost, but still holding onto hope.