The Party Behind the Smile: Parenting Autism in Public Spaces

It's not that I don't want to join- it' that I can't stop watching. Because parenting on the spectrum means always being "on".

Today, I’m at the park for Jay Jay’s school friend’s birthday party. The sun is shining, kids are laughing, and picnic blankets are everywhere. From the outside, it probably looks like a normal day. But for me — a mom raising two autistic boys with no family support — it’s anything but simple.

Jay Jay is excited to be here, but I can’t let my guard down. I’m scanning the park like a hawk because:

– I can’t leave Jordan with anyone else, ever.

– Jay can’t be left unsupervised — not because he’s doing anything wrong, but because I’m terrified someone could take him.

– His emotions can trigger without warning — and when they do, he needs support, not strangers staring.

While all the kids gather to sing “Happy Birthday,” I’m watching JoJo closely. He screams when he hears birthday songs — the loud, sudden cheer sends him into anxiety mode. So before the singing even begins, I make sure his noise-canceling headphones are on.

We sit at a distance — close enough to observe, far enough to protect.

No one sees this dance — this invisible choreography I do just to keep things from unraveling.

I don’t get to sit and chat with other parents. I don’t get to grab a slice of cake or take a break.

It’s not because I don’t want to.

It’s because I’m the only one who can be “on” for both of them — all the time.

Jay told me he doesn’t want to go to the pool anymore because of something that happened weeks ago. He doesn’t feel safe yet, but when I told him “Auntie will talk to him so it won’t happen again,” he relaxed.

That reminded me — our kids don’t need perfect. They need safety. They need us.

And as much as I want help or rest, I remind myself:

“I’m not doing nothing — I’m doing everything.”

Even when it feels invisible.

💗 If you’re the mom who never sits, the dad who never zones out, the caregiver who’s always five steps ahead — I see you.

This post isn’t to complain. It’s to say:

You’re not alone.

You’re not paranoid.

You’re not dramatic.

You’re just parenting on the spectrum — and that takes everything you’ve got.

Whether you came here for tools, calm visuals, or just someone who gets it, you’re part of the crew now.

JoJo & JayJay and Friends are here to help — and Mama Love is always on the sidelines with you.